There is absolutely no reason to write a 1000 word review on why Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon is simply not a good movie. I’d be wasting a whole heck of a lot of time and everyone who agrees with me would merely chuckle along as they read, nodding in agreement, while everyone who doesn’t agree with me on the basis of “It’s not supposed to be a thought-provoking film, it’s just supposed to be entertaining” would be upset that I called into light so very many flaws without even really trying. So instead I’m just going to highlight the top 2 things that really irked me in T3:DOTM and leave it at that.
- Shia LaBeouf aka Sam Witwicky: Maybe this is too general of a thing to hate but I really, really hated this character. In the previous two he comes off a dumb but harmless doofus, fuddling around as he tries to finish high school and save the world. He at least has some degree of likeability. And I really am stretching the words some and likeability. But in this movie he is just so mad. He’s literally the maddest person in a movie of all time. His entitled attitude has him screaming at job interviewers, at his parents, at his girlfriend, at the army, at government officials, at the Autobots and at the Decepticons; anyone who is in earshot gets bombarded by Sam screaming his opinions into their faces. And what’s he so mad at? Basically that he no one will give him a job and that he can’t tell them how he saved the world in the past. Newsflash Sam: the economy is shit right now, stop expecting a job just because you ran around with big aliens, saving humanity. No one owes you a thing. People have worked far harder for far longer than you and they are all trying to get jobs as well. So just stop screaming at the United States and be happy that at least 2 girls have given you the time of day.
- Horrible Bosses: So let me get this straight. The government higher ups hate working with the Autobots because they boss them around and are unreliable to deal with, the people of earth who are employed by the Decepticons hate them because they’re real jerks and are always asking them to do stuff that no one really wants to do and Sam works for a place where he feels underappreciated by his boss who is a nutty dude with a penchant for the colour yellow? Is the movie really about people who don’t like their bosses and to what great lengths they’ll go to complain about working for them? Yes. This whole movie is based on the fact that the Decepticons were tired of being around the Autobots on Cybertron so they started to boss around the people of Earth who then started to boss around each other because they were also mad that they had bosses they didn’t much care for. Everyone needs to stop whining and get back to work before someone more qualified asks to take your job.
I feel like I’ve already given this movie too much of my time in thinking about it plus what more is there to say, he already was caught using The Island car chase scenes and everyone is far busier talking about that instead of the real issue at hand which is not whether Michael Bay reused footage from another one of his movies no one really liked or not, but instead that Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon is boring, long and packed with useless scenes (the African safari, a girl who is only allowed to dress in white). Catching him copying his own work is really just par for the course in a movie that is so bad he really did need all the help he could get. Even if it was his own help.